watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
