They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
