dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
