You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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