god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
