BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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