I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
