I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
