my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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