Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She's like a pop up book from hell.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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