Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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