I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I am naked and annoyed.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
