I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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