Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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