I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
