It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
