we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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