I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
