Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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