she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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