this boner is exhausting
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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