Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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