she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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