I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
