Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
