you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
