time to smoke my breakfast
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
