Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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