If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
