I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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