Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize