I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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