i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
