i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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