dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
