I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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