He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
