Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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