shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
