did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
