I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
