just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
