I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
