Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
