I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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