i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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