If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He? As in you personified your dick?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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