I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
