I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
