Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
