i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
