I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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