Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
we have officially lost it.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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