I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
