Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
