I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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