Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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