Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
