You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
