did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
