Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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