Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
