But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
