a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Your tits are I can't wait for
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
