for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
