Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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