Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
