apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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