Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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