I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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