Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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