I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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