I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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