she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i wish my penis had a tongue
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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